We all have goals in life. Loose 10 lbs. Run a successful business. Own your own house. Run 10K. Whatever it is, we all have goals and we all have setbacks.
I have always been a fit person. There was a phase in my life where I was what some people referred to as ‘skinny fat’. I didn’t really do anything but I was ‘skinny’, but no means fit, that was my metabolism at work. I didn’t feel good, I just appeared to be fit.
I have never struggled with my weight, but I have always struggled with self-confidence. Always. It has been something that use to hold me back from what I wanted in life. It has made me never take that chance, or talk to that person, pay them a compliment. I would always take the safe routine.Everything was calculated so I wouldn’t get hurt. But in that process, I never really learned new things, I never grew as a person. I stayed the same.
I was getting the swimming bag ready for the pool and I couldn’t find my bathing suit that I usually take. It’s really cute. Green top, shorter than a tankini. Black bottoms, as to not draw attention that is a skirt and covers my stretch marks on my booty. I feel pretty good in this, not what I usually wear, but I feel good. Not great, but good.
Well, this bathing suit was not in the bag. I had to go and get another one, my ‘summer bod’ one. It’s has a lot less material than my pool one. I wasn’t feeling too confident as I packed it into the bag. But my kids wanted to go to the pool so I was just going to suck it up.
We got to the pool and it wasn’t until we were leaving that I remembered I was in my ‘summer bod’ suit. The only reason I noticed was because of a group of women, who were lounging in the hot tub, they were looking at me in a very accepting way, nodding their heads in approval, like ‘good for you! Work it, girl, *snap*’.
Now, I wasn’t flaunting it. I was holding my son’s hand as we walked to the change room. I’m not going to lie, I smiled.
Later that evening, I was getting ready for bed. I was in my PJ’s and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and it was the first time in YEARS, I would say pre-kids that I felt good about what I saw. Stretch marks and all. I wanted to strut through the streets, oozing with confidence. But it was 10:00 pm and snowing so that wasn’t really going to happen, but I wanted too!
It’s amazing what age does to you. If I ever went back 5 years in time and had a chat with myself, oh the things I would have said to myself.
“Don’t care so much what people think”
“Go for it. What is the worst that could happen?”
“Do what makes you happy! Be a nerd. Love running.”
Pretty much I would sound like a fortune cookie!
My goal for fitness has never been how far can I run or how much weight can I lift. It’s always been, I want to look good naked! And not look good to anyone else’s standard, but to my own. I want to feel good naked, not to hid behind clothes. No, I am not going to join a nudist colony.
I want to feel confident. It’s not a sexual thing, it’s a confidence thing. So when I looked in the mirror and I saw me, I saw me! I saw a woman who was gaining back her confidence, she was taking the old and making it work with the new. Because that is what this crazy thing called life is all about. I finally get it. You are always, forever changing. You are taking what you knew and making it work with what you have at present.