When I Grow Up!


Photo Credit: Reed via Google

I want to do a million and one things. Things that I could have done when I was younger, but knowing what I know now, I would not have appreciated them. I wouldn’t have experienced them the way that I want to know.

Here’s a couple examples.

Education. I thought that this was something ‘I had to do’ now I find myself going towards, business or graphic design. I would have been great at those things. I am great at those things. But it took me to go through my life to this point to realize that. If I were pushed, forced what ever into it, I would have hated it.

Travel. I didn’t go on my first out of country trip, without my parents, until 2011. My sister and I went to Mexico. A trip just for the two of us, before I got married. I then went on my next out of country trip with my husband, for our honeymoon in 2012. I want to travel more. I want to see things. I want to experience other cultures. Personally, I think that is how we grow as a person. Who knows, maybe the military will allow us to travel as a family one day.

These two things, now that I am an adult, a parent, I view as luxuries, privileges.

I have so many things I want to do. Some for myself, some so my kids will be proud of me, some so that my husband will be proud of me too.

I want to go back to school one day. I don’t know how many people I have told, you can always go back to school, there are no age limits on learning. But then the excuses start to bubble up. Oh, the kids are too young, I don’t have the time, or the money, I am starting up a new business, I should wait until the kids are in school, etc. I am sure I could think of 10 more decent excuses.

The big question, what would I want to go back to school for?!

I have always had school in the back of my mind, for years. But for what? Last time I went to University, I went for 3 years and it was for general studies. I didn’t enjoy it. I felt like I HAD to go to school. I didn’t know what I wanted to do after high school, I suppose more school, I thought was the answer. I didn’t take out student loans, I worked 2 jobs, and went to school full time. That’s what I THOUGHT you were suppose to do.

I did general studies because I didn’t know ‘what I wanted to be when I grew up’. I spend approximately $60,000 to learn what I DIDN’T want to do. I don’t view it as a waste of money either, I went to school to learn, and learn I did. I learnt what I don’t want to do. That is just as important.

I am 30 years old, married with two kids and a dog and I am only now just starting to grasp ‘what I wanted to be when I grow up’. I would like to own my own business, work on my terms, be there for my kids. I want to do something that makes me happy, something with a creative flare. Something that can evolve and grow as time carries on. I am not looking to make millions, money isn’t the motivation. I want to provide a comfortable life for my family and myself. I want to be a role model for my children, someone they can look up to and look at and be proud.

I think I have felt sort of lost, wondering for awhile. Trying to sort out my ‘new’ identity. Who am I?

I look at the people around me in my life and see them.
Office in the Military.
Daycare provider.
Dermatologist Office Manger.

I see these people and I think, they have it all figured out. They are happy in there lives, they don’t spend sleepless nights wondering if they should go back to school, what they are going to do ‘when they grow up’.

Here is one of those fancy lessons I learnt – take a closer look. Look at there journey to get to that point. Take the dermatologist office manager. She was married with two kids, then got a divorce. She had to figure out how to make a living to provide for 2 kids. She went to peoples homes and sold clothing, cleaned houses so that she could be there for her kids before and after school. In the early years she ran a day care. She did these things for years and started a brand new career once her kids were out of school. You see her now, she does what she loves but it took her a while to get there.

We don’t always know the journey that someone is on.

So back to my question to myself, school, what would I go back for? Something to give me tools so I can run my own business, something that I can be creative at. Turn Confessions into a business? Write full time? Create logos? (That would be so much fun).

Guess I still don’t have all the answers yet. In the mean time, I am going to go and download an app on my tablet to create graphics of sorts.

xoxo Ashley


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