Do you ever have those moments in life where you question everything? You question if the choices you’re making are the right ones? The things you tell your kids, and then do they grasp a bit of what you’ve explained. You question career choices, the food you bought, the shoes you’re wearing. I mean EVERYTHING. You question your fears and worries, are they stupid? Then you question if you should be worrying over your fears and worries… yes, I am currently there. Silly all of it I know, yet, I still do it.
I have these moments all the time. I am having them frequently in this current moment in my life. I think it’s because my maternity leave is coming to an end.
I was laying on the couch, watching my daughter play and create. She came over and asked why I was laying down. I explained I wasn’t feeling good because I had too much sun the previous day. I just needed a moment and I would be ok.
She goes back over to her table and starts doing something. A couple moments later she comes back and hands me a piece of paper.
“Here Mommy, I wrote you a lovely letter.”
” Oh! Thank you sweetie. Can you read it to me?” I asked.
“Certainly!” Seriously, these are the words she uses.
The letter read:
You are awesome.
Your birthday is here soon. We get cake.
I love you.
I am proud of you Mommy.
Insert water works here.
I have been so worried about going off maternity leave, and how life is going to work. I have been focusing on all the things that COULD go wrong. Nothing has gone wrong yet and I’m sure nothing will, but that is what I’ve been focusing on, ‘what ifs’.
I have failed to see that the choices I have been making are the right ones and my daughter is proud of me! ME!!!! Someone who is constantly worried (lately). Someone who feels like she is screwing up constantly. But despite those things, my daughter is proud of me and she loves me. That is worth more than anything I can think of.
Isn’t it funny that my 3 year old daughter put things into prospective for me, and I didn’t even have to ask. Not that my 3 year old knows what ‘prospective’ means… or does she?
She is proud of me because I play with her and do ‘awesome’ things. She is proud of me because I ‘do my best’ and I read her stories. According to her I have ‘delectable treats’ and she doesn’t mine what I have to go for my ‘meetings’ (Arbonne related events).
My husband asked our daughter if she likes having me home, her response -“Oh yes, but I do miss Auntie Katie sometimes (her daycare), but I love having lunch with Mommy!”
I guess the choices I, or I should say my family are making are turning out to be the right ones for us. I have happy, healthy, growing children. A husband who loves and supports me. We have a roof over our heads, clothes on our back and food in our tummies. I really don’t have much to worry about.
I know me and I will continue to worry but maybe less than I once did because my daughter is proud of me, I don’t need much else than that.