4 Little Letters Make a Difficult Word

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I will be the first person to tell you to ask for help when you need it and I would offer it right there. I’m also the last person to take my own advice.

I don’t know how to ask for help very well. It usually comes out as an insult.

I had a meltdown… in my kitchen… while my family watched. I had taken on too many things. I was trying to go in to many directions. I wasn’t super Mum, I wasn’t even a Mum in that moments, I was a crazy person.

Now, when I say meltdown, I mean meltdown. I threw a spatula, I was yelling, maybe screaming a little, in that high pitch voice, I was talking really, really fast. I cried…hard. When I came out of my meltdown haze, i saw my family staring at me. They stare at me all the time, but not like this. It was a new look, and I’m now calling it the, “Holy Shit, Mum has gone ballistic” look.

As I am writing this, I can’t even remember why I broke down.

I took on too many things, ignored my needs and thought I was super Mum. I didn’t take my own advice, I didn’t ask for help.

I’m so proud of everyone who asks for help, I admire them, I respect them. But I can’t do it myself.

Funny how we hold ourselves to different standards than everyone else. It’s not that I think I’m better, I just expect more out of myself. I expect people to ask for help when they need it, but me, I feel I should be able to do it all. My name is Mum after all.

Well, I went to my husband, I swallowed my pride and asked for help.

I have come to the realization that I can’t do all the things that I want to do in my life with out help. I asked my husband to teach me to lift weights. Sounds ridiculous right, but I don’t know the first thing about lifting weights, but he does.

This wasn’t easy for me to ask for help. I’m a Mum, I should be able to do it all or figure out how to do it. I don’t ask for help. The shocking truth, I fake it half the time. Fake it till you make it.

Isn’t it funny how 4 letters create such a difficult, powerful word. H-E-L-P.

xoxo Ashley
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