Some times when changes happen in our life, we tend to loose ourselves a little. When we graduate from high school, or University, when we get married and when we have children. And to loose ourselves isn’t always a bad thing, sometimes by loosing ourselves leads us to who we should be. Events happen in our lives that lead us to who we are and sometimes it leads us to rediscover parts of who we use to be.
After having my daughter, I struggled. I had postpartum anxiety. I was trying to be what everyone thought I should be. Let me be honest, that never helps the situation. I tried to do everything myself. I didn’t want anyone helping me and worst of all I didn’t do anything for myself.
I learnt A LOT that first year with my daughter. I learnt a lot about myself.
When I had my son, I knew much more, I was much more equip with knowledge and a lot more the the ‘I don’t care what you think’ attitude. There were many factors that lead us, my husband and I, to the conclusion that we would bottle feed our son. One of the major factors was that I wouldn’t stress out so much.
Did you know that when you stress, there is a hormone that is released into your body that goes into your breastmilk. Just something that adds to the, don’t stress out! comments.
We bottle fed our son, with breastmilk. I pumped like a crazy person. I had a lot of milk, enough to last him until he was 6 months old. I froze the milk and weened myself off having ENORMOUS milk jugs. I felt some guilt but I think that was because “you should” breastfeed. To bottle feed our son was the best choice my husband and I made. I could work out, without feeling guilty, without worrying I would deplete my milk supply.
I felt like I was spiraling downwards, I felt lost. I did everything for my family. My husband, being the amazing man that he is, told me to do something for myself. I laced up my runners.
Running. What an amazing feeling. I love the sound that my shoes make when they hit the sidewalk. I love the way my lungs feel after a hard earned run – exhausted, but a good exhaustion. I love how my skin is all salty and I LOVE how a shower feels after a run.
I decided to give myself a goal. TC10K (Time Colonist 10K). I started training. I would load up the kids in the stroller and run to the park or the store. Then I needed to start going further, I needed to get the kilometers in, but when? I couldn’t bring the kids, they start getting bored in the stroller after 5KM. I started to get up at 5:30am to go for a run before my husband went to work.
Yes, 5:30 am sounds like a grueling hour to wake up, and to go for a run none the less but I love it. It’s quiet, everyone is still sleeping. I can wake up on my own. I am waking up my body, my endorphins are kickin’ into gear.
As I trained, I started to feel more like myself again. I started to smile more, I laughed more, I was a better Mum/wife.
I completed the TC10K and it was my first 10K race back. It was amazing. The people lined the streets, the drums that played, the smell of the ocean mixed with sweat – I didn’t realize how much I missed it. The feeling of sore legs you’ll get the next morning. The feeling of complete body exhaustion – I have not slept that good in YEARS. The crowd cheering as you sprint across the finish line. The rush of the whole experience!
Somewhere between training and completing the race, I found a piece of myself that I missed. I rediscovered parts of me, parts of me that make me, me! Parts that I love. Parts that are just for me!
My 10K time – – 1:03, not to shabby.