Working For My Body

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I am 11 weeks post baby and I look in the mirror and I absolutely HATE what I see. I don’t want to step on the scale. I don’t want to look in the mirror naked. I wrap myself up in a towel or housecoat imminently after I step out of the shower. It’s hard getting back to what ‘use to be’. It took 9 months to put weight, for my body to shift. My physical activity was up and then down for 9 months.

So why am I so upset with myself that only after 11 weeks post baby, am I still not happy with my body?

I am back to running and doing yoga on a regular bases. My eating has improved (now that I’m not craving 2L of orange juice a day – so much sugar).

When I go for a run and I can feel all the extra weight, fat, skin, baby weight what ever you  want to call it, I can feel it bouncing and dropping down with force. I hate it. Makes me almost not want to run. Almost. Then I remember, 11 weeks! I am only 11 weeks post baby. Just over 2 months. 77 days post baby. That is nothing compared to the 9 months it took me to make a baby.

Why am I in such a rush to resume to what I use to be?

I’m a different person now, not by much, but I am different. For starters I have two freaking adorable kids. I am getting better at counting to 10 to calm myself down. But my body will never quiet be the same. My boobs ha ha, oh I should have said go bye to the perky girls during my first pregnancy. Thank god for push up bras. I wonder if a boob job is in my future. My hips are wider. NONE of my dresses fit the same. I hold myself differently. I speak differently. I pick my clothes out differently.

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Pregnancy, you think, Oh we’ll have a baby, body will snap back to what it use to be. No one really tells you that your body is going to be so foreign.

I am learning to adjust, to accept that it will take time to get to a place that I am happy with.

I think it’s OK and good in a way that I am unpleased with where I currently am. Of course in a healthy way. It’s in a way that gives me determination. I want to loose those last 12 lbs, I WILL loose them! I need to remember it took 9 months to put on 43 lbs. I am only 11 weeks post baby.

It’s a good thing I like exercise!

xoxo Ashley

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