Trust and the security blanket of feeling safe are a fragile thing. I always picture the two like a thin glass ball, that you have to handle with care, if you bump it, it chips. If you drop it, it shatters into a million pieces. And it will take a very long time to put back together.
A few years ago (before I became a Mum) my front door was kicked in by someone, who sadly I knew. I was home with my sister and two dogs. This person was a very angry individual who had a hard time of letting go of things. I wasn’t ever really a big fan of the guy but none the less, he knew where I lived.
Apparently drugs give you super strength to kick in doors.
I remember it so clear. I was out back letting the dogs out, It was dark and late and there was a chill in the air. I was walking in with the dogs and I heard the front gate close. I don’t know why, but I got a chill down my spine and yelled to my sister LOCK THE FRONT DOOR. It must have been my tone or the panic. I knew something bad was going to happen.
She locked the door just in time. The guy, we shall call him Dumbo, was banging so hard and loud on the door. I stood there with my oldest dog, King (he has since passed), he got his back up and put himself between myself and the door. I told my sister to take the other dog and go to the spare room. She refused.
Then the kicking started. You should see the door bend a his foot repeatedly beat the door, you could see the glass flexing. My heart was racing, beating so loud I was sure the neighbors could hear it. I yelled to my sister to call 9-1-1. She did.
Dumbo got his foot through the door. Then I saw his hand reach through and unlocked the door. Adrenalin kicked in. There was no way Dumbo was going to touch my sister. King started to growl. I knew if I let go of the dog something really bad would happen to Dumbo. As much as i wanted that, I held tight because I knew they would put my dog down if he attacked. I had my hand so tight on his collar I think I lost blood flow.
Dumbo pushed me. I stood my ground. He pushed me again. The dog jumped. Dumbo went to kick the dog. He missed.
I was caught off guard when my sister asked me in a panic what my address was. Dumbo went crazy. He pushed me. I let go of the dog. It was all a blur. (King did not do anything to harm Dumbo, just tore his pants a bit. He was not put down because of this incident, he lived for awhile after this).
Next thing I know I had an officer standing where there use to be a door. Dumbo was in handcuffs and being lead away from the house and put into the back of a police car. I looked out in the street to see an army of cop cars. My sister hung up on the 9-1-1 dispatcher and the sent everyone.
Oh did I mention Drew was at work for the night so I had to be the calm cool collected one.
After this, I never felt safe in my house. I wouldn’t let Drew leave past a certain time. I wanted to move but it just wasn’t in the cards. I worked hard on trying to feel safe again. It was not easy. Though I very proud of myself as how calm I was. I kept my sister safe. I got the crazed loonie out of my house with just torn pants.
I sat up the rest of the night watching Shrek, until Drew got home. My sister slept and I sat up to keep watch as we had no door.
Well fast forward to Tuesday morning. Scarlett and I were getting ready to leave the house and start our day. And what do we find, the contents of my car, tossed about, door wide open. I checked the car to make sure someone or an animal wasn’t in there. I was so upset. I was angry. Someone had violated my privacy (again). Someone had decided to break into my car and attempt to steal my things. Things I can replace, though I would have been furious, but you can’t replace the feeling of security. That is why I was/am so angry.
Scarlett was helping me pick up everything. I looked at her and thought, how innocent. She has no idea why I am angry and why we are picking up these things. Scarlett with out any hesitation started to pick up all the things off the ground. She is helping her Mum, clean up someone else mess. What a gift that must be, to have no worries. The only worries she has are, where is her monkey. Everything else she doesn’t know. She knows how to be kind. I was bending over to pick something up, and I don’t’ know what provoked her to come over and pat me on the back and say, “It’s OK Mommy.” I smiled at her. I love her so much, my heart just wants to burst.
I was so unbelievable angry. I was past the point of tears for this violation. I was just angry. How could someone do this. How could someone thing it’s OK. I do not care what your reason is. If you were hoping that I had cash or something of worth in my car. Ha! You should trying, oh I don’t know GETTING A JOB! McDonald’s is always hiring.
It’s a sad day when you don’t feel safe in your own house. Though this incident happened outside the house and no doors were kicked it, it’s just as bad. I feel like it is worst in fact, because I now have a daughter who I would do anything to protect and another child on the way. It’s sad that I have thought out escape route for different situations. It’s sad that I have to feel unsafe and fear for safety.
I suppose all we can do is learn what steps to take and take them.
I don’t exactly know how to end this post. I suppose I should look at the bright side of things. No one got hurt, nothing was damaged or stole, I just need to start mending that glass ball all over again. I did it once, I can do it again.