Welcome to a Monday morning confession!
Do you ever feel like you aren’t doing the right things. You feel like other people do it better. Not sure how you’re suppose to fit into the picture. I was having one of those days, the other day and I just felt like I am not meant to be a Mum. I feel like I worry about all the wrong things. I don’t spend enough time doing this, I spend to much time doing that. It’s a never ending cycle and it’s draining the life out of me.
I did the only thing I knew how to do. I sat down with my husband and cried a good cry. I felt better. Then after I stop crying and was able to speak, I told him my concerns and the things I was worried about.
My husband is leaving to go sail the ocean blue, so that leaves me with caring for Scarlett, working a full time job, cooking, cleaning, being good cop/bad cop (I am going to have to form split personality), Mum and Dad, perfect employee and everything else that might lay in between. I’m exhausted thinking about it. Drew pointed out that I need to take it a day at a time, he won’t be gone forever (thank goodness) and it will work out better than I think it will.
Now I am one of those planner type people. I need to have a plan to feel in control and calm. Lately I have realized that with a child in the picture, planning, ha! never goes the way you want it too. I feel like I’m spiraling out of control.
Scarlett spent the afternoon at the water park with Auntie Tara. Now, before I get into this story to much, Scarlett calls me Dada, Puppy, Happy and Auntie, do you notice how she never calls me Mama?! Cause I sure do. I know she is only 15 months old but come on! Give me a Mama every now and then.
Back to the water park. Scarlett and Auntie were having a snack, Scarlett turns to Auntie and starts calling her Mama. SERIOUSLY!!! Tara’s response was “No, No, No, I’m Auntie” Tara told me this and I tried to play it cool. Laugh it off. I hung up the phone and cried. Yup, I cried.
Was this a sign that Scarlett spends too much time with Tara (she doesn’t). Am I bad Mum? What am I doing wrong? Is Tara more fun? Does my own child not love me? Sounds ridiculous, right! I see now that I overreacted but during this moment, wow the emotions that rushed over me were overwhelming.
Drew found me crying and I told him why. He laughed. Said I was overreacting. Scarlett calls the dog, happy and baby, sometimes. She calls every lady that smiles at her (which is 90%) Auntie. She is still learning her words and who is who.
I know this, I am just very emotional lately and this one just hit home hard.
So if you are a parent, and you feel like you can’t do anything right or you weren’t meant to a parent, or maybe you feel you don’t fit in, you’re not alone. I think it’s just part of parenting. I think that we all, at one point or another feel like our children don’t love us or know who we are (when they are young).