I am the wife to a military man, navy to be exact. This can be quite an adventure. You never know when you’re going to be on your own or have your husband home. We have been very lucky to have a shore posting for that last 2 ½ years. (Shore posting is when you’re attached to a building, not a ship). Drew was home for our wedding, my pregnancy and the birth of our daughter! I couldn’t be more grateful for that.
I have been back to work for a few months now and am re-adjusting to life with a full time job AND a baby on the move. However, the word has come down that at the end of summer Drew will be back on a ship. I suppose it couldn’t last forever having him around. When Drew told me he got his posting, a wave, well more like a tsunami of anxiety hit me. One of my best friends was coming over for dinner that night. She is a military wife as well, so she would understand, but before I could get the words out, she and her husband told me they are being posted TO ONTARIO! OK I was drowned in anxiety, fear and stress.
You know when you panic so much you can’t see a solution and you just keep spiralling downwards, well that was me! I cried most of that night. I cried most of the next morning. I didn’t know what to do. My family doesn’t live close enough to help with pick up and drop off or just to give me a break.
It’s been a month now since the news. I don’t feel physically ill when I think about this any more. I know that I am going to get through it. I know I will. How you ask? No clue but I’m a survivor and you need to be to live this life style.
Military life most certainly isn’t for everyone. Sometimes I often wonder if I’m cut out for it. All the uncertainty and unknowns. It’s scary. It’s difficult to share your worries with your friends and family when they aren’t part of the military world. You’re too busy holding their hand.
Now I should clarify, most people think that being married to a military man means that we will up and move with out any notice. It’s not like that with the Navy, you sort of need an ocean in order to be a sailor.
My worries now are that, Drew is going to miss out on Scarlett’s life and I have a deep fear that I won’t be able to explain to her well enough that ‘Daddy is coming home and he loves you more then you’ll ever be able to grasp’. I don’t want her to feel abandoned. I don’t want her to feel unloved. I often question myself if I should be working at all? Am I a good Mum for going back to work? Am I being selfish by working? These questions in some shape or form pop up almost daily.
One of my many talks with my sister about this whole situation helped me put everything in perspective. My sister told me to make a few recordings of Scarlett and Drew. Ones of him playing, tucking her in, giving her a bath, lots of “I love you’s”,and hugs and kisses. Score one for Auntie Tara! Then she said, “Scarlett will never feel abandoned, she has family that loves her and never lets her forget it. A Mum who is crazy about her. She won’t feel abandoned, or unloved. That’s not a possibility” Ah Auntie Tara, you can be so wise.
I knew that when Drew and I decided to have a child that these challenge would arise. I knew it would be difficult, just not this difficult. I painted a pretty picture in my head and everything was easy and simple. It turns out that real life isn’t easy and simple. But after a few melt downs, many tears and lots of love and support, I know that I can make it through what ever is thrown at us.